“The Angry Chef” and Learning to Cook FOR Others
My good friend Claire recently returned to London from a trip to the states and with her brought back the October issue of Saveur for my reading pleasure. If you have never picked up a copy of the magazine, I suggest you do. It is probably the best of the food magazines out there, not for it’s recipes (although those are lovely) but for it’s stories and it’s photos. The art of food writing is alive and well, and it is inspiring. Anyway, October’s magazine was full of stories recounting memorable meals. A good number of the stories resonated with me, but there is one in particular that I want to share with you guys: Marc Maron’s essay entitled The Angry Chef.
After reading it, (which I suggest you do) I had two reflections that I thought worthy of the blog.
First of all, his words:
“The idea that I could do something giving and seemingly selfless and still be the center of attention seemed magical. So, I started cooking for people (or, as a girlfriend recently accused me of doing, cooking at people).”
struck a massive chord with me. To anyone who has known me long, it comes as no surprise that I began cooking for people (or perhaps at people) because I liked the attention. I liked the control that came along with being the host. “Can I bring something?” people would always ask, the answer “of course not!” was always ready on my lips. This was not because there was nothing I needed, but because if I did the whole meal start to finish, I would get the credit start to finish. I cooked at people.
However, when you cook for compliments, no compliment is ever enough. Have you ever experienced that? I once made a three course dinner, including a loaf of homemade bread and a freshly baked apple pie all for my boyfriend before he got home from work…. but the dinner was destined to fail because I did it for the wrong reasons. Because I was looking for specific praise, no amount of appreciation would do. Trust me, one person can’t say “this is delicious” enough ways to validate an insecure chef.
People love to be cooked for. We all yearn to be taken care of… to be nurtured… to be well fed, but to be honest, it’s not so much about the actual food. People do not need things to be perfect, so, as Marc’s mother says in the essay,
“Scrape the burnt off the top. Stop making a production.”
Don’t let imperfection keep you out of the kitchen. Don’t be afraid of letting people help you. Graciously accept compliments, you deserve them, but don’t fish for them. As a nutrition professor once said to me, “Don’t insult your food in front of your guests. No one was thinking it was too salty until you mentioned it. Promise.” Enjoy the magic of cooking FOR others, and if your guests are looking for perfection send them to Per Se.
A photo of me (in the center) at age 14, hosting a cooking class disguised as my birthday party for my unsuspecting friends.
